Conscious Parenting

July 2, 2009 – 10:32 am

I posted this over a year ago but I’ve recently moved my site so I’m reposting it here.

Bernadette asked me how I would define “conscious parenting.” Here’s my answer…

I would say that it’s definitely more a way of being than any sort of method or style of parenting. It’s about being awake and alive to the experience of connecting with yourself and your children in the midst of the parenting journey. It’s about seeing it as a journey in the first place with ebbs and flows, ups and downs, twists and turns, and more bodily fluids then you could ever imagine - guaranteed! It’s about using all of the moments - blissful, challenging, messy, frustrating, overwhelming, freaking out, swelling with pride, bursting with love, too tired to think, wanting to run away, can’t get close enough, wishing you could literally take just one bite of that delicious little being! - moments and using them to feel more deeply into yourself. Using your thoughts and feelings to discover who YOU are and in turn connect with and see who your children are so they can unfold into their most healthy and whole selves. Finally, it’s about constantly asking the four big questions: What do I need? What does each child need? What does our partnership need? And, what does our family need? It is certainly not about sleeping with or without your children, nursing for a certain amount of time, or doing some thing because it’s what someone else says you should do. No no, conscious parenting is about tuning in to your feelings, doing what feels right to you, finding ways to move toward balance, choosing connection, living with joy and gratitude, letting your love spill out all over the place, adopting an attitude of self-reflection, having loads and loads of compassion for yourself, your partner and your children and recognizing that there is no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child (and really, who would want that anyway?) and yet, when you really stop and think about it, it’s all just perfect in it’s own way.

By admin | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Comments (0)

Thought for the day…

June 18, 2009 – 11:14 am

What if early parenting is much more about wearing your “therapist” hat than it is about wearing your “educator” hat?

The work of early parenting is to create a container for the child’s emotional experiences. Through that, the child learns how to flow with all the feelings that naturally arise as a result of learning and growing. The learning and growing is inevitable, especially if the emotions are flowing. They work hand in hand. Children need far less guidance on how and what to learn and far more compassion and reflection of what they are feeling.

By admin | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Comments (0)

Rethinking Babies

June 12, 2009 – 10:29 am

img_0285

For a long time our culture has viewed babies in a limited way. Babies were seen as:
• Passive passengers in the womb and for some time after birth.
• Not possessing enough brain structure to express meaningful communication, learn, or maintain memories before they are able to speak.
• Unable to experience pain.
• Arriving as a “blank slate.”
These mistaken beliefs have made life difficult for babies. Now, however, new and exciting knowledge about infants is emerging. Discoveries made in the twentieth century in fields such as prenatal and perinatal psychology, embryology, neurobiology and attachment theory have changed our world view about babies and human development, and we are gaining a much deeper understanding of who babies really are and what they are capable of doing, feeling, knowing, and experiencing.
Our current understanding of babies, based on this new perspective, includes the following assumptions:
• Babies are sensitive and aware in the womb and beyond.
• The newborn arrives as a whole person on a lifelong continuum of development.
• Memory is being created through the emotions and the senses from the very beginning.
• Experiences before, during, and after birth have a direct effect on lifelong physical and psychological health.
• A baby’s earliest experiences and interactions with parents and caregivers influence how the brain and nervous system develop.

(an excerpt from the forthcoming “What Babies Want: Calming and Communicating With Your Baby” by Carrie Contey, PhD and Debby Takikawa, DC)

By admin | Posted in babies | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (0)

Carrie on the Today Show talking about Slow Parenting

May 31, 2009 – 6:28 pm

Click here to watch Carrie on the Today Show.

By admin | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Comments (0)

Carrie and Slow Family on the Today Show!

May 27, 2009 – 12:03 pm

Carrie will be representing Slow Family Living this week, Thursday, May 28th on the Today Show’s Fourth Hour with Kathie Lee and Hoda Kotb. Tune in in your area on NBC television.

By admin | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Comments (0)

Nugget of Goodness

May 27, 2009 – 12:01 pm

We talk of the need to be present.

In the moment.

And in this one. And this one. And this one.

Because each one informs the next.

So really,  where can we possibly be but where we are right now?

If you would like to sign up for our Slow Family Living Nuggets of Goodness, click here.

By admin | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Comments (0)

eleven easy ways to slow it down

May 27, 2009 – 11:02 am

Bern, here are some simple and very effective ways to slow things down when you are feeling emotionally and physically out of balance. It takes some practice but once you are in the habit of taking a few moments to resource yourself it becomes second nature. One way to start incorporating them into daily life is to post them in places where you will see them easily — the car, bathroom mirror, refrigerator, etc. Heck, tattooing them onto your arm wouldn’t be such a bad idea either!

Try a few and find what works for you and toss the rest. Here you go…

1. PAUSE — Stop what you are doing and remind yourself to come back to the present moment.

2. ADMIT — recognize and admit you are disregulated or fragmented and remind yourself you’ve been this way before and you came out of that and you will come out of this.

3. FEET — Feel your feet. Make contact with the ground. (Take your shoes off.)

4. NAME — Feel your body sensations and say them out loud.

5. BREATH — Rest your hands on your lower abdomen �” Breathe slowly into your lower abdomen, letting the inhale raise your hands. Exhale slowly (count of 5 �” 10). Repeat as necessary.

6. EYES — Name objects and their colors in rapid succession (at least 10).

7. DRINK — Drink a glass of water slowly. The sensation can help bring you back to calm.

8. OUTSIDE — Go outside for a minute and take some deep breaths. Notice the surroundings. Walk slowly for a minute.

9. GET HELP — Call a good friend — one who can empathize and help you get grounded.

10. MAKE CONTACT — Eye contact, touch and sweet sounds are the fastest way out of disregulation.

11. SELF TALK — “I’m safe” “I’m strong” “I can handle it” “I’m ready” “I decide how I react” “I’m feeling…”

Adapted from Paris’ I’ll Never do to My Kids What My Parents Did to Me!” A Guide To Conscious Parenting.

By admin | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | Comments (0)

How to slow down family life

May 27, 2009 – 11:00 am

I’ve been striving lately to slow down our busy household of six people. It takes a conscious effort what with clubs and teams and school and play and beautiful spring weather that makes us just want to go, go, go. But I also know that when we do go, go, go, we are cranky, cranky, cranky. We have a little song we sing about hunger and fatigue which is sung to the tune of Bringing in the Sheaves, I think we need another one about overbooking.

We’ve been doing pretty good at the whole process – eliminating excess activities, saying no on occasion to various parties and playdates, establishing specific family times, scheduling in more time between appointments so that we can move to it more effortlessly and trying to make the time we do have together feel conscious and connected. (Conscious and connected. That should be my mantra right after empty it, fill it) I’ve even been trying to make sure that at times when there really is a tight deadline, such as on school mornings when there are four bodies to get up, fed and out the door, that I move through the routine without spiraling into a frenzied, RUSH mode. I’m not always successful at this one though and this is where my question comes in…

When I am rushing through something in an effort to try to get to the school bell or the meeting or the appointment, is there any way I can actually slow my nervous system down so that my mind can then follow? Are there any tricks I can use Carrie, that will help me regulate a little bit more in those harried, hurried moments? I know when I do slow my whole system it helps, I just don’t always know just how to do that.

By admin | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (0)

Being Present

May 27, 2009 – 10:59 am

Remember to be where you are.
Allow yourself to be with the one you’re with.
Being present with each person, each task, each place, each mood, will give us the connection we all need.

By admin | Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Comments (0)